Ask Jeff Query

The Packers drafted speedy, white wide receiver, Jeff Query, in the fifth round of the 1989 draft out of Milliken University in Decatur, IL. Jeff quickly became a fan-favorite because he looks like every white dude in Wisconsin. Both of my readers have been flooding my inbox with questions and nudes, so I asked Jeff to step in and answer reader advice inquiries.

 

Dear Jeff – My husband and I have not been intimate in several months. This is bothering me, he’s getting frustrated, and I’m afraid I don’t find him attractive anymore. What can we do? Messed up in Menasha

 

Dear Messed Up – It’s OK. Many relationships experience rough patches like this, I guess. What kind of car does your husband drive? If he drove an IROC-Z like me, I bet you wouldn’t have a problem starting your engine, or getting your fluid levels checked, or flashing your tail lights, or any other auto-themed innuendo for boning. Call me. Jeff

 

 

 

Dear Jeff – My daughter and I do not agree on politics. I felt I raised her to have better values. Cook outs and gatherings are a challenge with this being an election year. Any advice on getting her to tone it down a little? Ticked Off in Two Rivers

 

Dear Ticked Off – Sounds like you raised a beautiful, confident woman who isn’t afraid to express herself or stand behind her opinions. That’s awesome. I’d be happy to talk to her, if you’d like. I could pick her up around 7:00 in my IROC-Z and maybe drive her out to look at the lighthouse and see what other areas she’s expressive in. Jeff

 

 

 

Dear Jeff – My wife is enamored with the new quarterback, Jordan Love. She keeps talking about how hot she thinks he is. I wish she’d talk about me like that, or at least have more of those feelings for Brett Favre. He’s more of a classic look, you know? How can I talk to her about this? Konfused in Kewaunee

 

Dear Konfused – I totally understand. Brett Favre is a good-looking guy in his 50s. Classically handsome, and I miss his Wrangler ads where he’d play catch with his handsome buddies in their relaxed-fit, rugged, denim pants. I’m free later, if you want to go for a ride with me in my IROC-Z. Maybe we could park at the gravel pit on 29 and talk about Brett? I’m down. Maybe you feel more Kurious than Konfused? Jeff

 

 

 

Dear Jeff – My business is based heavily on tourists. With the pandemic, not as many people are passing through the area, and revenue is way down. I’m stressed out. I was hoping to expand in the next few years, but now I’m worried about having to shut down entirely. Any tips on handling fears and anxiety? Anxious in Algoma

 

Dear Anxious – Sorry, bro. I don’t know what to say about that. Do you have a wife or a daughter? Maybe I could send them some pics of my dong laid out on the hood of my IROC-Z. They’d be impressed. Other than that, I got nothing. Sorry your business sucks. Jeff

 

 

 

Dear Jeff – I’m going to retire in about 8 years. I have a lot of money in my 401k that my employer partially matches. My advisor told me that’s the best plan, but now I’m hearing more about retiring with 0% taxes, and that doesn’t fit with my current plan. My husband is big on Dave Ramsey, who does not like permanent life insurance products because insurance companies make money on them. Isn’t it possible to park money in a whole or universal product that the IRS can never touch? I’m not sure what to do. Frugal in Fond du Lac

 

Dear Frugal – Dave Ramsey’s take on life insurance is extremely problematic. Permanent life insurance products have been offering protections to families to preserve generational wealth for a very long time. I know a guy who can turn you on to the Infinite Banking concept, where you become your own banker with your life insurance. Best part is the IRS can’t touch it. I kinda wanna touch “it,” you know? Not your money, but your money maker. Want to go for a drive around the lake in my IROC-Z. See if you can get approved for favorable underwriting? I’m not a doctor, but if you wanna pee in a cup for me, it’s cool. Jeff