At the Superdome used car lot, 7:20 Sunday night
TV - NBC (Mike Tirico, Fucking Cris Collinsworth, and Michelle Tafoya)
Line - Saints by 3
All-time series - Packers lead 16-9
TASTY TIDBITS
Where the hell is my man, Al Michaels? He calls the games with the gambling audience close at heart, politely dropping where the spread and over/under stand come the fourth quarter. Mike Tirico is a gift to this nation which we do not deserve. He's brilliant at everything he does. Nothing against him at all. He's awesome. Al is slowly retiring. This is his first bye week from NBC. They anticipate three to five of these this season with Tirico taking his spot. His contract with NBC runs through the end of next season, when NBC hosts the Super Bowl. Al is a class act. I gave him free eggs when he stayed at the Edgewater in the good old 90s calling a preseason game at Camp Randall. He called the earthquake in game one of the 1989 World Series. He called the Miracle on Ice. And, "He did WHAAAAT????"
Cris Collinsworth sucks.
The NFL media cycle is fun. The Saints lost last week after going 13-3 two consecutive seasons, so they are now the worst team ever. Drew Brees is dead. They'll never win another game ever.
The most dangerous thing in the league is a wounded animal, playing at home. This will not be like playing the NFC North puds the last two weeks.
THE BIG EASY
We've all been to Jazz Fest and fucked up in the Quarter. None of us ever got arrested because their cops are super laid back. At 3:00 AM you feel like dry humping a cab and fall off the hood cracking your head? They'll get you to the sidewalk, call you a stupid fuck, and let you be on their way. Want to buy party drugs 24/7 in the middle of the street? New Orleans is the town for you. Want your kids educated in a strong public school system? Look elsewhere, man.
The Saints' homefield advantage is fueled by their fans who throw down. The other advantage New Orleans has is how they pump nitrous into the visitors' locker room before the games. You want to huff a balloon of NO2? Go to N.O. That's how they named the city. "New Orleans" is French for "hippie crack." The city sits atop a large, natural field of nitrous oxide that has amassed in the Mississippi Delta area after being carried down river from way lamer cities like Minneapolis and St. Louis. All residents need to do for a whippet fix is poke a hole in the ground and put a balloon over the opening for a hit of sweet Smurf Juice. That's why Jazz Fest naturally takes place there. The Benson family pumps that shit into the visiting locker room on game days, so opposing players suffer from severe headaches, audial hallucinations, incapacitating giggling fits, and an increased appreciation and understanding of Phish. Coming out of the tunnel like a pack of stumbling wooks is a shitty way to enter a prime time NFL matchup against a Hall of Fame quarterback.
My concern is that while fans aren't there to make communication with the Packers offense difficult, the team could be tripping balls, and the Saints are likely to crank in weird sound effects like police sirens and growling tigers to make Aaron Rodgers lose his shit.
LOWDOWN ON THE SAINTS
Offense - Michael Thomas caught an NFL record 149 passes last season, 114 more than any other receiver on the Saints roster. That's not good because the fucker is out with a high ankle sprain. Emmanuel Sanders wasn't good enough for the 69ers to resign, so Mickey Loomis snatched him up because he wants a slower receiver to keep up with Drew Brees' slower passes in his advanced age. Turns out Sanders is stupid too, doesn't know the plays, and the passing game is not what it was. They can pound the ball. They're all in for this season by over-paying to keep a guard and other moves, but the more Ls they collect with their only receiver on ice, the more likely they'll not get a playoff bye, thus earning more chances for their annual postseason heartbreak before the Big Dance.
Defense - This will be the best team Green Bay faces this half of the schedule, for sure. Their front seven is not cool. They were the number one run defense last season and can rush the quarterback without having to blitz like Malcom Jenkins just dropped ass after downing too many crawfish. The Saints traded with Green Bay in the 2019 draft to jump up and get Marcus Davenport. He sucks. Tonight will be his first game this season due to injuries. When he's on the field, he's very good at getting blocked.
Special teams - It's a dome, so who cares?
PACKERS!
When Davante Adams was out last year, the team started to figure out the new offense for the first time. It's not the same this year, because they've figured shit out! Davante is only target worth a shit for Rodgers to throw to, so if he's out, don't expect the run game to bail us out against that front seven like it did last week. If it does, fucking titties! We're going 19-0.
Without Kenny Clark, our run defense smells bad.
I appreciate how the defense somehow made adjustments after the Lions ran up and down the field in the first half to lock shit down long enough to put the game away. New Orleans will get their points tonight. Three or four stops will win the game. The nice thing is without Thomas, long passes are not going in the end zone. If we can make the Saints kick field goals, we can win a track meet.
Are you watching the Pat McAfee show? He's got A.J. Hawk as his Ed McMahon smoking a cigar in his study. Aaron Rodgers is a weekly guest. McAfee is a weird dude. It's brilliant. I like Aaron Rodgers and A.J. Hawk so much more. It's a great thing that has happened to sports media after the screaming debate shows ruined everything. It's on YouTube each week.
ELSEWHERE IN THE NFC NORTH
TEN @ MIN noon Sunday, TEN by 2.5
CHI @ ATL noon Sunday, ATL by 3.0
DET @ ARI 3:25 Sunday, ARI by 5.5
Comments
Post a Comment