1989 NFL Coach of the Year, Lindy Infante, asked if he could offer some ghostly advice to Matt LaFleur after his first season.
I coached the Green Bay Packers for four glorious seasons during the Golden Age of Hip Hop, so don't feel like I can't relate to the younger players and coaches of today. I'm sure if I broke out my collection of Kool Moe Dee, Big Daddy Kane, and N.W.A. cassettes, the current coach, Matt, could connect with me.
Looks like he's going into sixth grade. I don't want to sound like sour grapes, but Ron Wolf never should have fired me. Sure your fancy know-it-all youngster has already coached the team to more division titles and playoff wins than I did, but let's see lil' Doug E. Fresh take home a Coach of the Year award.
I don't want to brag, but I had a reputation as an X-and-O genius, so let's get down to it. Matt, your team can't stop the run.
Kinda wish I could stop the runs, know what I mean? The kids got Joyce a French press coffee pot for mother's day. She's been serving that up for me. It tastes great, but the jitters rattle my fillings. After two cups, I'm squatting on the throne peeing black tar lava out my butt. It's staining the porcelain.
I was an offense guy. I helped bring some "unnecessary complexity" to the Packers playbook when I arrived in 1988. Here's what I did to the old, boring Pro Set. That's some "Microphone Fiend" shit a la Eric B. & Rakim.
I love fullbacks. I love watching them eat. They are amazing athletes. I wanted them to get the glory they deserved instead of those fancy tricksters, the wide receivers. Here's a standard play I liked to run where all those wide outs are doing is operating the spotlights and fog machines after the tight end tosses a bomb to the full back in the old end zone.
Speaking of bombs, I need to go drop another. Sheesh. This is gonna burn all the hair off my kiester and my nostrils. It smells a lot better coming out of that pot versus when I splash it into the pot.
I didn't really do much with the defense, but I sure coached against it. Every play, in fact. Unless we were kicking. Here is a formation that gave you fits against San Francisco last year. Really, the past 20 years, if a team lines up with three receivers in a bunch formation, the Packers are pretty much fucked. Here's what you did:
Those tricksters are in a bunch on the right side. The only guy you had with his hands in the dirt was Kenny Clark in the middle. I like having Blake Martinez out wide to cover one of the receivers man-to-man. No one would expect that. That's innovative. Every time they lined up like this, the poor chain crew had to sprint 40+ yards down field to keep up with what that team was doing to our beloved Packers.
Speaking of sprinting, I need to excuse myself and do some running myself or I'm going to leave skid marks.
That was unpleasant. I think I'd rather stand, if you don't mind, Matt.
Here is how I would counter San Francisco. I know if a team ever did this to me, I would have fits trying get the ball past them.
First off, show those tricksters who's boss! I'd put one of my best athletes, a fullback, in their face. Then have three down lineman with him in a posse to let them know who was in charge. I'd stack several levels of defensive back with plenty of safety help to erase any threat that bunch formation might cause.
Matt, stop being fancy with that NASCAR package Dom Capers would run with only one lineman with a hand on the ground. That never worked. Go traditional 3-4 to clog up the running lanes. And bracket that flanker on the left with a corner and safety help. Fundamentally sound up front, Matt.
Want to get innovative? This may not be as bold as having Blake Martinez cover receivers, but I added my flavor to this. Who knows how to run through tight holes? Tight ends!! I have two tight ends out there to run into the gaps to cause problems. If they can't tackle, it's OK. They're going to surprise the other team and create hesitation.
Now look at where I put the claps down. I have my specialists out there to pound that A gap and let them know we mean business. Even if someone gets past the front seven in that old school, "Grandmaster Flash" 3-4 formation, my long snapper, punter, and kicker are there to eat the scraps that fall off the table. After a couple series of having our punter take down their ball carrier, bringing their punter onto the field (see what I did there, Matt), they'll be browning their shorts.
Oops. I think I just did too. JOYCE!!!!??? ARE THOSE KHAKIS OUT OF THE DRYER YET???
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